Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
