He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
