hell yes lets make some ravioli
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
