I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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