it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
