Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
