Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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