I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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