Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
