So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
