i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
