I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
