would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
