Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
