we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to calm my uterus...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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