i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
