When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
