the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
