Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
