i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
