So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
