Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
