How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
