My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
