Plan B is the new Plan A
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
