Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
