why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
