I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
