Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
