did you get engaged???
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
