Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
