I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
