Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
