you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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