is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
