I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
