Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
