Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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