Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
