I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
