I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
