if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
