Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
nutella sex= disaster
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
