You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
