You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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