Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
