I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
