This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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