Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
