Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
