1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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