I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
