the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
