So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
